when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
