that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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