my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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