my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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