I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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