just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I will pee on everything he values.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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