my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
