dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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