No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
