I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Come share oat with me in your robe
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
