'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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