I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize