Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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