I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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