i love accidental penises.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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