so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
