Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
