Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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