how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
