He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
