So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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