I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
