the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
handjob tips. give me some.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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