shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
