The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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