I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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