I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
