Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
