Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
