Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
