he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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