god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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