brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
