STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
