Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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