A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
