the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
