They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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