I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
