I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
