cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
