There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
