Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
