I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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