I just cut my nipple shaving
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
