Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
