Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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