hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
