Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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