You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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