He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
