I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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