So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
