I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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