Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
