I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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