Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
