why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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