Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
