They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
