Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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