so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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