I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
