the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
