i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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