dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
