New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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