I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
