my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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