You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
