My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
