i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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