I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
