That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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