And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
