Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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