our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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