I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
