I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
