I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
