do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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