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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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